300

Being the comic book geek that I am, I have a built-in love for Frank Miller's 300. So I was really looking forward to the movie adaptation. We finally saw it on an IMAX screen last week.

So how was it? It's awesome. I think they made this movie with me in mind. However, I think it really has something for everyone.

Go Spartans!

For the guys: 300 is a big, bold, loud, violent movie. The story is pretty straightforward, so it's not too taxing on the brain. It's got plenty of cool slow-motion battles with buckets of CGI blood splashing all of the place. The testosterone level is so high in this movie, you'll want to to whoop someone's ass after you leave the theater. Did I mention it was violent?

For the ladies: This movie has a lot of half-naked Spartans, and every single one of them has a six-pack. Let me tell you, Greeks love to do stomach crunches. They also love to stand in heroic poses, all greased up with muscles glistening. It wouldn't surprise me if a Chippendale's-type show opens in Vegas soon called "Spartans".

For the kids: Why would you want to bring your kids to this movie? It's rated "R", for pete's sake. What kind of parents are you? Didn't I just say it was a violent movie? Let your kids sneak in this movie on their own.

If you need a piece of quality blockbuster entertainment, look no further than 300. Don't forget to bring your spear, shield, & codpiece.

"Hey, stop pushing. Aieeeeee!"

It's Good To Be Prepared

If you are the type to go up and down the aisles of the internet, you've probably seen this many times. If not, then a zoo in Tokyo recently conducted an "animal escape drill", where some lucky employee got to dress up in an orangutan suit and pretend to shot with a tranquilizer dart.
If I were the orangutan, I would totally depart from the script, lower my furry orange shoulder and bust through the line. Hopefully I would be lucky enough to escape from the zoo and make it to the subway.

Freedom!

Not The Jam

I saw an article the other day that The Jam was reforming and going on tour in the UK. Gasp! The Jam is back? That would be something I would pay money to see. I would eat a bug to see The Jam live.

However, it turns out it is just two out of the three members, minus Paul Weller. They are calling the act "From the Jam: Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler". Sounds very Vegas to me.

The Jam without Paul Weller? That's so wrong - he wrote and sang most of their songs, for pete's sake. That's like The Police without Sting (get your tickets now, folks). It's like Hüsker Dü without Bob Mould. It's like The Chipmunks without Alvin.

You get the idea. Why can't they leave well enough alone? Sigh.

Mmmmmm....Lobster?

I love lobster, I love crab, I love shrimp. God help me, I could eat crustacean until I'm sick (and I've come close to doing it, believe you me). However, eating and cooking these kinds of shellfish usually takes a little work, mainly the separation of the meat from the shell. We've spent many an evening in the kitchen removing the shells off of shrimp tails (and sometimes the little vein of poo in the tail).

When it comes to lobster, my parents usually take a live ones and drop it into a pot of boiling water, where it makes an "eeeeeeee!" noise as it hits the water. I remember being told that it's not the sound of the lobster screaming in agony, but something to do with the air being forced out of the lobster's body. Right.

Well, according to The Lobster Blog, there's a new method of getting lobster meat: the Avure Technologies Hydrostatic Pressure Processing System!


All you do is drop your live lobsters into the machine's large metal tube, flip the switch, and a huge amount of compressed water pressure is shot at the the lobsters, blowing off their shells and leaving the meat behind. What you get is this:


Disturbingly efficient? Yes! Creepy & nauseating? To be honest, a little. I'm sure the lobster in the picture was arranged like that after it came out of the machine, or then I'd really be freaked out. The whole process is supposed to be a more humane way of killing lobsters - death is supposed to come much more quickly in the machine versus a slower death in boiling water.

What does it all mean? You got me. But I'm sure we'll have a bunch of naked lobsters coming to our supermarket freezer section real soon.

Vengeance will be mine!

Nap Time

From my daily dog calendar:


"When you can't figure out what to do, it's time for a nap" - Mason Cooley

Autobots, Transform!

This is the coolest thing I've seen today: Transformers that change from Nike tennis shoes to robots!


Awesome! Why didn't they have these when I was growing up? If you've got the disposable income, you can get these bad boys here.

Squids 'n Sharks

Last month, Japanese marine researchers caught a giant squid and hauled the poor bastard up to the surface. Reportedly, it was the first time a live giant squid was captured on film. The video actually isn't that great, but you can see it here. Better yet, here's a picture of the squid.


Great Googly Moogly! It's the beast from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea! Pulled up from about 2,000 feet below the ocean surface, the squid died shortly afterwards. Duh.

Well, move over squid. Check out this video of the frilled shark:



Cheezus! What a monster! Oddly enough, this video was taken by more Japanese researchers. The frilled shark usually is found at depths of 2,000 feet, but this particular one was found near the surface. It probably was on its last legs (so to speak), like a dying beached whale. The Japanese researchers captured the shark, and not surprisingly, it died a short time later.

Gah! Flee! Frilled Shark!

My Favorite Gift

Even though the warm fuzzy glow of Christmas is a couple of weeks past us, let me just say that I love all the gifts I get to read, to play, to wear, to listen to, and to spend. But the one gift I'm having the most fun with right now is the Skull Horror Ball!

My sister and her family gave me this small rubber skull - when you squeeze it, all sort of gross things come oozing out of it's eyes.


The one I have has rats and blood coming out of it's eyes. It's delightful. I call him "Skully". I'm considering buying a whole case of these to give away as party favors, or just to give to anyone who needs cheering up.

This is my favorite gift from Christmas... right after our new 32" LCD HD TV, that is! Hoo hah!

Movie Poster Motifs

I was looking at some current and upcoming movie posters, and I noticed a reoccurring layout used by several of them. See if you can spot it among these three posters... it's pretty easy to see:

Yes folks, it's the silhouette of a character centered against the background of the movie's primary location. I shall call this motif: "center silhouette". This is the second reoccurring movie poster layout I've identified, the first being what I call, "big heads in the sky". This is exactly what it sounds like: the poster depicts some smaller characters or location at the bottom, and above it you have a huge disembodied head floating above it all. Here's a recent example from a Turkish movie called Ice Cream, I Scream:

Here's another one from the new movie Freedom Writers:


See? Little people at the bottom, big Swank head above them. Yikes!

As a bonus, here's one the combines both the Center Silhouette and the Big Head in the Sky:


Score! Two Points!

Football Fugly

Remember the kid in School of Rock that designed the fruity costumes that he wanted the band to wear? I think that kid grew up and went to the University of Oregon.

I was flipping channels the other night, and I came across the Las Vegas Bowl, which matched up Brigham Young University against the University of Oregon. At first I didn't recognize Oregon, because they were wearing these new uniforms which can only be summed up in three words:

Hid. Dee. Us.

They weren't wearing their classic green helmets with the yellow "O". Instead, they were wearing these bright, metallic yellow helmets which had kind of a sickly green tint to them. They also wore these dark green and black uniforms, which maybe weren't that bad, except for what look liked some kind of raised diamond plate pattern on the shoulder pads and knees.

Holy cow, they looked awful. What purpose could the diamond plate pattern possibly have? Wouldn't it give the opposing team a better grip on your uniform? Did Oregon lose a bet and were forced to wear these uniforms?

When you combine the bright yellow helmets with the non-slip uniforms, it makes for a pretty embarrassing combination. No wonder the Ducks got blown out 38-8.

Stand proud, boys

Archie, Say It Ain't So

I haven't read an Archie comic book since I was little, but it pains me a little that Archie and the gang will be undergoing a makeover to achieve a more "realistic" look. Here's the way I remember Archie and friends:


You remember these guys, right? Archie... his arch-nemesis Reggie... look, there's that grouchy principal, Mr. Weatherbee, screaming into Archie's ear. Well, throw that all out the window, because pretty soon they're going to look like this:

Betty? Veronica? Is that you?

Oh for Pete's sake. What really concerns me though, is what the new Jughead is going to look like. How can you improve a mug like this?

All hail Jughead!

Hotel Hell

If you happen to be traveling through Amsterdam and you're low on euro, you might want to check out the Hans Brinker Budget Hotel. Their whole shtick is how bad their facility is - sort of a "bad is good" marketing scheme. Either that, the hotel is really, really bad.


I've never been to Amsterdam myself, so I don't really know the truth of the matter. In the meantime, check out their intentionally jacked-up website...it's pretty amusing.

Look At The Pretty Colors

Here's the poster for an upcoming movie called Smokin' Aces. All I know about it is that it's got Jeremy Piven, Ben Affleck, and Alicia Keys in it. It looks like it has a lot of people shooting guns at each other. Swell - I'll probably want to see this when it comes out.

Doesn't the design of this poster kind of remind you of the poster from Rent?

Coincidence, homage, or swipe? You decide...

Black Days

Black Friday, the opening of the holiday shopping season, has come and gone. This year we had a Black Weekend, because from Thursday to Sunday, there are deals to be had, and we didn't have time to fool around. Here's the breakdown of what went on:

Black Thursday (or as some call it, Thanksgiving)
Objective: Buy an Xbox 360 from Amazon

At 11 am on Thursday, Amazon was selling 1000 Xbox 360's for $100 each. For most people, there wasn't a prayer of getting a PS3 or Wii anytime soon, so this was the next best opportunity. Millions of people waited with white-knuckled anticipation for this moment to arrive.

The problem was that millions of people were waiting for this moment to arrive. Amazon's servers promptly got bogged down, which meant that 99.9% of people weren't going to get their greedy hands on the Xbox 360. About five minutes before 11 am, it was taking my computer about 45 seconds to refresh. Not a good sign. At 11 am, I refreshed my page once more, and twenty minutes later the page reloaded with the "sold out" message. Phooey!

Not me with not my Xbox 360

It was pretty funny to see the angry posts from people who didn't get an Xbox 360. Some said it was just a big scam, some cursed Amazon and swore never to come back, some called out for everyone to report Amazon to the Better Business Bureau for such treachery. A lot of people seemed to feel entitled to get a cheap Xbox 360, and didn't to the math about how slim their chances really were. Kind of sad, really.

Mission Result: TOTAL FAILURE, BUT I STILL LOVE YOU AMAZON

Black Friday
Objective: Get deals at Best Buy, Circuit City, and Home Depot

We woke about at 3 am on Friday morning, and got to our local Best Buy at 4 am. There were about 500 - 600 people already there, and the lined wrapped around the entire building. When they finally opened at 5 am, it was not unlike a cattle stampede inside the store. The store staff did their best to keep the checkout lines orderly, but there were too many frenzied people inside the store.

My fiance had to catch a $20 printer with her face. I got disgusted trying to find the stuff I was looking for, and wanted to leave. We ended up getting most of the items we wanted, but this was the most unpleasant Best Buy Black Friday I've ever been to.

Mission Result: PARTIAL SUCCESS, BUT NO FREE KRISPY KREMES OR COFFEE. PAH!

Plasma flatscreens on sale? Run, fellow buffalo, run!

The Circuit City in our area is kind of like the snot-nosed little brother to Best Buy: dirtier and an unappealing & unorganized mess. The store was filled to the brim with the same variety of delirious bargain-hunters. It didn't help that the store was uncomfortably warm. We got most of what we were looking for, but we're glad we only go to Circuit City only once a year.

Mission Result: SUCCESSFUL FOR THE MOST PART, BUT BLECH

I managed to take a little side trip to Home Depot to get a cheap wet/dry vacuum and to check out a deal for a flatscreen tv. When I got to the store, I parked right in front and was greeted by a friendly and helpful store employee. He told me where to find the vacuum and the tv. I walked right up to the flatscreen tv's, picked one up and put in on my cart. I got a vacuum, paid for both items, and waltzed back to my car. It was a breath of fresh air. No fighting with other people, no crowds, no catching tv's with my face. Ha!

Mission Result: COMPLETE DOMINATION. YOU ROCK MY WORLD, HOME DEPOT

Black Saturday
Objective: Sleep


Mission Result: ZZZZZ

Black Sunday
Objective: Get deals at Costco

I love Costco. I love to walk up and down the aisles, and we love buying things that we really don't need. Did you know Costco sells a five-gallon bucket of food and supplies, just in case there's an emergency? We really wanted to buy one, but I'd probably open it and start eating the food, disaster or not.

We got the deals we were looking for, and found some new ones along the way. It was a fitting end to our Black Weekend; we got a great start on our Christmas shopping.

Now we just need to buy some stuff that's not just for us! Ha ha ha ha!

Mission Result: TOTAL SUCCESS - PLUS, WE GOT A COPY OF THE FREE COSTCO COOKBOOK, WHICH IS ALL WE REALLY WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE

The Colonel Gets A Makeover

Aw geez, I haven't posted anything in over two weeks. I wish I could be more prolific and write something every day, but that's not going to happen. Nope, not unless someone throws a handful of change at me and pays me to do this. Anyways...

KFC recently changed their logo, and it isn't that bad. This is what they had about twenty years ago:


Colonel Sanders eyes and lips looked kind of funny back then. He also looked a lot like a disembodied head with a little stick figure body. The more I look at it, the more his whole head seems kind of misshapen. I didn't eat a whole lot of fried chicken back then.

Some time in the eighties (I think), they changed their logo and made the Colonel into a more realistic jolly old man:

The expression on his face and the angle of his body makes him look like he's always chuckling about something. He's just a grandpa kicking back in his rocking chair. You have a problem? Don't worry about it, sonny. Here - have some chicken.

Just this month, they unveiled the new logo:


Pretty snazzy, huh? It's interesting to see that by just removing some of the detail from the Colonel's face and thickening up the line weights, he looks much more youthful. He even looks like he lost some weight.

I like the fact that the Colonel now stands up straight and wears an apron. I know he created the secret eleven herb & spice chicken recipe, but I could never imagine him actually cooking. Before he just looked like an old southern guy in a white suit who probably had his kitchen staff whip him up a bucket of fried chicken whenever he wanted.

But the new KFC Colonel isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. He's going to roll up his sleeves, skin some chickens, and be splattered with hot oil from the fryer. Go Colonel, go!

The Departed

We finally went to see The Departed the other day. I had some trepidation about this movie for two reasons:

1. We had to sit in the third row of theater. Sure, it was a Saturday night showing, but the theater was surprisingly packed considering the movie had been out for almost a month already (I guess Borat must have been sold out). If there was going to be a lot of shaky handheld camera work, then it would probably make me nauseous and I wouldn't make it through the movie.

2. The movie was a remake of the Hong Kong movie Infernal Affairs. Usually, these kinds of movies tend to stick in my craw because I don't believe they are completely necessary. Why do you need to remake a perfectly good movie? Does westernizing a story with bigger movie stars really improve on the original? Why can't the movie studios just come up with their own new stories?

I could just go on and on about this; but I won't. The Departed was a really, really good movie. We don't watch a ton of them, but this was probably the best movie we've seen this year besides V for Vendetta. The story moved along at a nice pace and all the actors did a good job.


I used to have little respect for Leonardo DiCaprio. To me, he was always the scrawny little kid with the squeaky voice from "Growing Pains". In The Departed, it seems he's filled out a little and matured into a real actor. He was really convincing as the undercover cop infiltrating Jack Nicholson's Irish mob. His voice still squeaks sometimes, but he was perfect for this role.

Besides a gripping story with a lot of tension, you've got guys from Boston cussing at each other. You've got Jed Bartlett/Martin Sheen speaking with a Boston accent. You've got Jack Nicholson doing his crazy Jack Nicholson thing. You've got Alec Baldwin doing his nutty boss character from "30 Rock". What more can you ask for? This movie deserves some kind of award. It's definitely worth seeing more than once.

A New Case Of Crabs

No, not those type of crabs. Real crabs. I get a kick out of hearing about new species of things being discovered, and here's the latest: there was a big expedition that took place in the waters outside of Hawaiian, where they found over one hundred potentially new species of crabs, corals, sea cucumbers, sea stars, snails, clams, and the like.

The new Hawaiian pom-pom crab. Go team!

Not quite as sexy as the furry lobster, but pretty cool nonetheless.

New sea cucumber. Delicious with a little salt.

Scary Pictures

Now that Halloween is rapidly approaching, I'd better post something Halloweenish. I always like this time of year - not for the costumes and the trick or treating, but rather for all the horror movies they show on TV. It's like Christmas in October.

Here are some scary pictures for today: over at a blog called The Knight Shift (courtesy of Neatorama), they list their 10 Best Ghost Photographs Ever Taken.


All the stories behind the pictures are pretty interesting, but if you think skeptically about all of them, you can say that they are either faked, just someone who walked into the exposure, or incorrectly dated. Too bad they didn't have digital time stamps in the early 1900's.

Still, if you buy into what they are selling, then they're pretty neat. Woooo!

Xbox RIP

After over six years of service, my faithful Xbox has breathed its last breath (the thing just won't turn on anymore). As a tribute to my dearly departed console, let's reminisce about the best of times (and worst) with the Xbox:

My Top 5 Favorite Games I've Played On The Xb0x:

Halo - One of my all-time favorites of any system, period. Usually, first-person shooters make me nauseous and queasy if they zoom around too much, but this game doesn't do that. Add in some massive environments and a top-notch story, and you've got a winner. This is one of the games that you can play through multiple times, and it's always a lot of fun. I've played Halo 2, but the original remains my favorite. Hopefully Halo 3 will be a huge step forward.


Burnout 3: Takedown - If you like racing games and nothing pleases you more than side-swiping your opponent off a cliff or into a wall, look no further. If you like to cause multi-car collisions, fiery explosions, and lots of property damage, this is the game for you. Nothing is more satisfying that causing a major pile-up at an intersection, then watch the replay in slow motion as you pile up the rewards. I have the sequel Burnout: Revenge for Xbox, but now I can't play it. Aaarrggh!


Black - My other favorite first-person shooter, besides Halo. It's great to look at and even more fun to play, with it's numerous weapons and destructible environments. Sure it didn't have much of a story, but who cares? The only thing it was missing was online play. However, this is one of those rare games that I can just load up at any time, jump into any level and have lots of fun shooting things up. I guess I just like shooting things.


Fatal Frame - This is got to be the creepiest game I've ever played. Snooping around an old Japanese house as a little Japanese girl taking pictures of ghosts with your magic camera can be a fun but chilling experience. As you get deeper into the story, things get more twisted and the ghosts get a lot meaner. Someday, I'll play Fatal Frame 2: Crimson Butterfly and Fatal Frame 3: The Tormented...after I've fully recovered from the first one.


Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy - I'm not really a big Star Wars (or Lego) fan, but when the reviews I read said this game was "short" and "easy", I knew this game was right up my alley. The game turned out to be a lot of fun. The game mimics the violence of the movies, but on the other hand it's really cute to see a Lego figure bust apart into a lot piece when they've been shot. Unfortunately, this was the last game I played before my Xbox went kaput, and now the disc is stuck in its lifeless jaws.


The Thing I Disliked Most About Xbox

Xbox Live - I had a trial subscription for a year, and I probably only used it for a few days out of the year. I liked playing games like Rainbow Six 3 with people I knew. However, I hated playing with little foul-mouthed kids. I once was waiting for a game of Crimson Skies, and this kid literally spazzed out because the game didn't start fast enough. Hopefully his voice will change soon and he'll learn to like girls.


I also didn't like playing with people who were too good at the games, which really spoiled it for people like me who generally suck and are just playing for fun. For a beginner at Halo 2, I got tired really fast of getting killed by players who knew the maps by heart, knew where all the weapons were, and knew exactly where I would respawn after just getting killed. I hope their voices change soon and girls avoid them because they smell bad.


You might think that this is the perfect opportunity to get a Xbox 360, but you'd be wrong. Sorry man, not in my budget. However, if someone would like to take pity on me and give me one, hey- let me know.