Milk & Cheese

Almost everything can and eventually will be made into a vinyl figure, so it's quite fitting that Evan Dorkin's Milk & Cheese finally get the vinyl treatment! Here are the unpainted figures:

Sweet! Dairy products gone bad! They even come with detachable weapons! The figures are supposed to available from Slave Labor in July, which coincides nicely with the San Diego Comic-Con. Hopefully they will have some sort of Comic-Con exclusive set; we can only hope...

Can Devil Puppet be next?

Westfield Ho!

In local news, the Westfield Group has purchased Sony Metreon (see story here). It's a shame, but it seemed that Metreon was doomed from the start. It was a pretty cool place in the beginning - a hip urban center mixing entertainment and retail. Unfortunately, it never really caught on with the public, probably because everything in the place was way too expensive.

We see movies there from time to time, and we usually browse the Chronicle Books store and the Playstation store. Do we ever buy anything? No way, man; not when we can get it cheaper somewhere else. I guess we helped contribute to its downfall.

Westfield plans to "retenant" the center, meaning that we will probably see the more typical kinds of retailers to go along with Westfield's San Francisco Center the next block over. The theaters are staying, as well as the Playstation store and the Sony Style store. Everything else is most likely gone.

I always get a kick out of seeing Westfield malls, because they always feature their name so prominently over the actual name of the mall. So stay tuned, because Westfield Metreon is coming your way!

Video Game Frustration

Video games are meant to be challenging and fun. However, there are a lot of games out there which are either too hard or offer little reward for a lot of work. Here are some of my favorite sources of frustration over the years:

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002, PS2) - This game was a historic milestone in video games: a full city to explore and to establish a criminal empire. This game was a lot of fun to play, especially with the ability to steal any car or mug anybody who walks by.

There is one point where you need to race another car through the city to advance in the game. For some reason, I found this race to be really hard to win, and there were no cheats to help me overcome it. I stopped playing the game for several months, and then finally resolved to win this race and finish the game.

I must have gone through that race at least 200 to 300 times before I finally won it. Thankfully, I finally finished Vice City, and I will never play it again.


Seaman (2000, Sega Dreamcast) – Seaman was a virtual pet-type game where you raise a fish-creature with a human face from a tadpole to an adult. The innovative part of the game was that you could talk to your Seaman through a microphone on the controller and teach him words as he grew up. It was actually one of the better games on the Dreamcast system.

When I was playing this game, I dutifully visited my Seaman every day after he hatched. I fed him, I decorated his fish tank, and I talked to him. No young video game fish could ever ask for anything more. I tried to teach him words, but he only spoke gibberish to me.

This when on for a month, and I was never able to exchange actual words with my Seaman. “That’s ok”, I thought, “we’ll have many more opportunities to have deep, meaningful discussions when he’s all grown up”.

However, one day I missed a day to visit Seaman, and the next time I came back, he was dead! I never realized a virtual fish was so fragile. What a waste of time! Nothing will ever be able to fill the fish-sized hole this game left in my heart.


Tomb Raider III (1998, Playstation) – Back in the day, the Tomb Raider franchise was huge. Young boys everywhere lusted after the polygonal Lara Croft and tried to find that mythical “nude” code.

I never played the original Tomb Raider, but I had just finished Tomb Raider II, and I was ready for another round with Tomb Raider III. However, after playing the third game in the series, I realized that it was a lot more of the same, only worse.

What was the biggest problem? I couldn’t see anything! Somehow I was always stuck in a dark, miserable cave where I had to strain my eyes to see where I needed to go next. I quickly gave up on the game, and I haven’t gone back since.

Hopefully, the forthcoming Tomb Raider: Legend will bring us a more realistically-proportioned Lara Croft with a whole new bag of tricks, rather than the old, tired ones.



X-Men (1993, Sega Genesis) – I have a lot of fond memories of this game. Actually it was a really cool game for it’s time. If I’m not mistaken, this was the first X-Men video game, and they did a really good job with it. You got to play as Cyclops, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, or Gambit, with occasional aerial support from Jean Gray, Storm, Angel, and Iceman.

What frustrated me about the game is that on one level, you are asked to “reset the computer” before a bomb goes off and ends your game. I looked everywhere on the screen for a stupid reset switch, but I could never find it. I think I spent weeks looking for a way to reset that damn computer.

I ended up calling some sort of video game hotline and got the answer: in order to “reset the computer”, you were supposed to hit the reset button on the Sega Genesis console. Jesus Christ! Why in the world would they want you to do that? 99 times out of 100, if you hit the reset button, you’ll lose your game. To this day, this still makes me shake my head in disbelief.


Swordquest: Earthworld (1982, Atari 2600) – This is the granddaddy of all my video game frustration. I was fourteen when I bought this game for our Atari 2600 (with my own allowance money, mind you). Back in those days, the only way you knew if a game was any fun was by how good the artwork on the box was. This one should have been a doozy. One other cool thing was that it had a title screen of a sword with constantly changing colors. I remember staring at the title screen for a long time, marveling how far computer technology had come.

The object of this game was to explore twelve rooms, each one representing a sign of the zodiac. You were supposed to find twelve objects, and place them in the proper room.

You know what? This was impossible! Twelve objects in twelve rooms? Good God, there are thousands of different combinations! How is a fourteen-year-old kid supposed to figure this out?

I ended up writing a letter to Atari asking them for the answer. They sent me back a form letter that didn’t tell me what I wanted to know. I sent a second letter asking the same question, but I never received an answer.

All these years later, I realize that Swordquest: Earthworld was nothing more than a crappy game. The best thing about the game was that it came with a comic book drawn by George Perez. I’m sure that was the real reason I bought the video game. Yeah, that’s it.

Looks tempting, right? Don't be fooled, kids.

Tiki Fireplace

I'm not going to get in the habit of regurgitating information from other blogs, but I saw this on Boing Boing today, and I must say that this is the coolest fireplace ever. Ever.

This will perfectly compliment any living room. Anywhere. On the entire planet.

The Last Book I Read...

The Truth (with Jokes) by Al Franken

Al Franken is the man. Simply put, he makes me chuckle, and he makes me feel good about my liberal leanings. The book covers a variety of topics, including Bush’s campaign of fear & smear against John Kerry, the President’s misguided attempt to privatize Social Security, and the ill-conceived and poorly executed war against Iraq.

I don’t take everything that Franken says at face value. I’ve actually looked over some of the rebuttals against the claims in the book (such as the ones at FrankenLies.com). Actually, I feel kind of dirty looking at all those right-wing websites. Hopefully the government isn’t checking my internet activity now.

In the end, it’s not always easy to know who to believe. But with people like Bush, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove at the helm, I have an easier time believing that Al Franken and the left bends the truth a whole lot less than the right.

Some Pig

This afternoon, while making myself a sandwich for lunch (bologna + sliced sourdough = crazy delicious), I inexplicably uttered to myself:

"That'll do, pig. That'll do."

This really came out of nowhere. Maybe it had to do with how much bologna I was layering into the sandwich. I don't really know.

So then I asked myself - what are the top five movies featuring a pig? Here goes:

1. Babe (1995) / Babe: Pig in the City (1998) - The gut-wrenching tale of the little pig who wanted to be a sheep-herding dog. I can feel myself tearing up already. I never saw the sequel, but all I know is that little pig Babe is going to save the day.



2. Charlotte's Web (2006) - This movie is coming out later year. I remember seeing the cartoon version of this when I was young. It's all about Wilbur, the pig who will do anything to avoid being cooked for dinner. The ubiquitous Dakota Fanning is in this movie. Someone should watch out for this little girl, since her parents seem to be working her around the clock.



3. Animal Farm (1954) - If you didn't read this book by George Orwell in school, then shame on you. I would hope that 1984 is still required reading as well, although I must admit being kind of disappointed when the year 1984 actual came around and nothing happened like in the book. There was a live-action TV version of Animal Farm in 1999. Sorry man, didn't see it. Four legs good, two legs bad!



4. Gordy (1995) - Uh, it's the story of a another talking pig. Just like Babe. 1995 was a good year for talking pigs. That's all I know. (I found this movie on imdb...now you know that I didn't work very hard to make this list).



5. The Muppet Movie (1979) - I know there's a lot more to this movie than just Miss Piggy, but she's a pig, alright? I couldn't come up with anymore movies. I think the best part of this movie is the final musical number where Kermit starts to sing, then others begin to join him; then they pan out to show every muppet in the known universe singing along. Hold on, I'm tearing up again.



Four legs good, two legs bad!

Steelers Win. Seahawks Lose.

Now that the Steelers have won Super Bowl XL and the Seahawks have ruined my incredible run of game prognosticating, I'm ready to leave football behind until next season. What about the Pro Bowl? Pah! It means nothing. The game was never the same for me ever since I saw Barry Switzer coach the NFC one year. On national television, he sat on the bench during the game. Sacrilege!

If you didn't watch the Super Bowl, maybe you were fortunate enough to catch some of the Puppy Bowl II. Now that was good television. Unfortunately, I missed the Kitty Half Time Show, but it's not about the entertainment, it's about the purity of the sport.

My vote for the game MVP had to be Sheeba, the 2-1/2 month Shibu Ibu. Not content to sit in a puddle of her own urine, Sheeba was all over the place in a absolutely dominating performance.

Super Bowl XL

It's time for my Super Bowl pick. In my long, esteemed career in predicting football games, I am a remarkable 5 out of 6. To end this season with one more correct pick would be nothing short of phenomenal.

So who to pick? Seattle or Pittsburgh? To be honest, I don't know a heck of a lot about the two teams. Both teams have experienced coaches with long careers. One has a young, strong quarterback, and the other one has a bald quarterback. One team has the MVP running back, and the other has the Bus.

Let's solicit some opinions. Hey, bird with the fish - who are you picking for the Super Bowl?



Caw! Caw! (I believe that's birdspeak for Seahawks)

Excuse me, obscure 80's hair metal band Steeler - who do you pick for the Super Bowl?



(After a tasty guitar lick) Dude - Steeler rules!

Hmm. This is going to be tough. In an ESPN.com poll, 61% of the people polled think Pittsburgh will win, and 39% polled think Seattle will win. That's good enough for me - let's go with the underdog to pull the upset!

My Pick to Win: Seattle Seahawks

Beezelbust

I like devils. I also like skulls. Show me a devil skull, I'll go nuts. Now I only like these things only in the graphical sense. I'm no devil worshipper, nor do I have any skeletons in my closet, so to speak.

Here's something that caught my eye: it's a 1:1 scale bust of The Lord of Darkness from the 1985 movie Legend. I never saw this movie, but I know it's a Ridley Scott production with a young Tom Cruise as the hero in some sort of fantasy-type world. You know - princesses, unicorns, fairies... right up Tom Cruise's alley.

Tim Curry played the Lord of Darkness, and he was made up to look like a demonic hunk of barbecue pork. Now for only a paltry $900, you can have a life-size bust of this character in all its' devilish glory. Check this bad boy out:


This thing is about 24" inches wide, 24" deep, and a whopping 36" high. I imagine it weighs about 10 - 15 pounds. While it looks really cool and menacing, where in the world are you going to put this thing? Maybe you can put it next to your Planet of the Apes bust, and eliminate any hope of female companionship again.