Milk & Cheese

Almost everything can and eventually will be made into a vinyl figure, so it's quite fitting that Evan Dorkin's Milk & Cheese finally get the vinyl treatment! Here are the unpainted figures:

Sweet! Dairy products gone bad! They even come with detachable weapons! The figures are supposed to available from Slave Labor in July, which coincides nicely with the San Diego Comic-Con. Hopefully they will have some sort of Comic-Con exclusive set; we can only hope...

Can Devil Puppet be next?

Westfield Ho!

In local news, the Westfield Group has purchased Sony Metreon (see story here). It's a shame, but it seemed that Metreon was doomed from the start. It was a pretty cool place in the beginning - a hip urban center mixing entertainment and retail. Unfortunately, it never really caught on with the public, probably because everything in the place was way too expensive.

We see movies there from time to time, and we usually browse the Chronicle Books store and the Playstation store. Do we ever buy anything? No way, man; not when we can get it cheaper somewhere else. I guess we helped contribute to its downfall.

Westfield plans to "retenant" the center, meaning that we will probably see the more typical kinds of retailers to go along with Westfield's San Francisco Center the next block over. The theaters are staying, as well as the Playstation store and the Sony Style store. Everything else is most likely gone.

I always get a kick out of seeing Westfield malls, because they always feature their name so prominently over the actual name of the mall. So stay tuned, because Westfield Metreon is coming your way!

Video Game Frustration

Video games are meant to be challenging and fun. However, there are a lot of games out there which are either too hard or offer little reward for a lot of work. Here are some of my favorite sources of frustration over the years:

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002, PS2) - This game was a historic milestone in video games: a full city to explore and to establish a criminal empire. This game was a lot of fun to play, especially with the ability to steal any car or mug anybody who walks by.

There is one point where you need to race another car through the city to advance in the game. For some reason, I found this race to be really hard to win, and there were no cheats to help me overcome it. I stopped playing the game for several months, and then finally resolved to win this race and finish the game.

I must have gone through that race at least 200 to 300 times before I finally won it. Thankfully, I finally finished Vice City, and I will never play it again.


Seaman (2000, Sega Dreamcast) – Seaman was a virtual pet-type game where you raise a fish-creature with a human face from a tadpole to an adult. The innovative part of the game was that you could talk to your Seaman through a microphone on the controller and teach him words as he grew up. It was actually one of the better games on the Dreamcast system.

When I was playing this game, I dutifully visited my Seaman every day after he hatched. I fed him, I decorated his fish tank, and I talked to him. No young video game fish could ever ask for anything more. I tried to teach him words, but he only spoke gibberish to me.

This when on for a month, and I was never able to exchange actual words with my Seaman. “That’s ok”, I thought, “we’ll have many more opportunities to have deep, meaningful discussions when he’s all grown up”.

However, one day I missed a day to visit Seaman, and the next time I came back, he was dead! I never realized a virtual fish was so fragile. What a waste of time! Nothing will ever be able to fill the fish-sized hole this game left in my heart.


Tomb Raider III (1998, Playstation) – Back in the day, the Tomb Raider franchise was huge. Young boys everywhere lusted after the polygonal Lara Croft and tried to find that mythical “nude” code.

I never played the original Tomb Raider, but I had just finished Tomb Raider II, and I was ready for another round with Tomb Raider III. However, after playing the third game in the series, I realized that it was a lot more of the same, only worse.

What was the biggest problem? I couldn’t see anything! Somehow I was always stuck in a dark, miserable cave where I had to strain my eyes to see where I needed to go next. I quickly gave up on the game, and I haven’t gone back since.

Hopefully, the forthcoming Tomb Raider: Legend will bring us a more realistically-proportioned Lara Croft with a whole new bag of tricks, rather than the old, tired ones.



X-Men (1993, Sega Genesis) – I have a lot of fond memories of this game. Actually it was a really cool game for it’s time. If I’m not mistaken, this was the first X-Men video game, and they did a really good job with it. You got to play as Cyclops, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, or Gambit, with occasional aerial support from Jean Gray, Storm, Angel, and Iceman.

What frustrated me about the game is that on one level, you are asked to “reset the computer” before a bomb goes off and ends your game. I looked everywhere on the screen for a stupid reset switch, but I could never find it. I think I spent weeks looking for a way to reset that damn computer.

I ended up calling some sort of video game hotline and got the answer: in order to “reset the computer”, you were supposed to hit the reset button on the Sega Genesis console. Jesus Christ! Why in the world would they want you to do that? 99 times out of 100, if you hit the reset button, you’ll lose your game. To this day, this still makes me shake my head in disbelief.


Swordquest: Earthworld (1982, Atari 2600) – This is the granddaddy of all my video game frustration. I was fourteen when I bought this game for our Atari 2600 (with my own allowance money, mind you). Back in those days, the only way you knew if a game was any fun was by how good the artwork on the box was. This one should have been a doozy. One other cool thing was that it had a title screen of a sword with constantly changing colors. I remember staring at the title screen for a long time, marveling how far computer technology had come.

The object of this game was to explore twelve rooms, each one representing a sign of the zodiac. You were supposed to find twelve objects, and place them in the proper room.

You know what? This was impossible! Twelve objects in twelve rooms? Good God, there are thousands of different combinations! How is a fourteen-year-old kid supposed to figure this out?

I ended up writing a letter to Atari asking them for the answer. They sent me back a form letter that didn’t tell me what I wanted to know. I sent a second letter asking the same question, but I never received an answer.

All these years later, I realize that Swordquest: Earthworld was nothing more than a crappy game. The best thing about the game was that it came with a comic book drawn by George Perez. I’m sure that was the real reason I bought the video game. Yeah, that’s it.

Looks tempting, right? Don't be fooled, kids.

Tiki Fireplace

I'm not going to get in the habit of regurgitating information from other blogs, but I saw this on Boing Boing today, and I must say that this is the coolest fireplace ever. Ever.

This will perfectly compliment any living room. Anywhere. On the entire planet.

The Last Book I Read...

The Truth (with Jokes) by Al Franken

Al Franken is the man. Simply put, he makes me chuckle, and he makes me feel good about my liberal leanings. The book covers a variety of topics, including Bush’s campaign of fear & smear against John Kerry, the President’s misguided attempt to privatize Social Security, and the ill-conceived and poorly executed war against Iraq.

I don’t take everything that Franken says at face value. I’ve actually looked over some of the rebuttals against the claims in the book (such as the ones at FrankenLies.com). Actually, I feel kind of dirty looking at all those right-wing websites. Hopefully the government isn’t checking my internet activity now.

In the end, it’s not always easy to know who to believe. But with people like Bush, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove at the helm, I have an easier time believing that Al Franken and the left bends the truth a whole lot less than the right.

Some Pig

This afternoon, while making myself a sandwich for lunch (bologna + sliced sourdough = crazy delicious), I inexplicably uttered to myself:

"That'll do, pig. That'll do."

This really came out of nowhere. Maybe it had to do with how much bologna I was layering into the sandwich. I don't really know.

So then I asked myself - what are the top five movies featuring a pig? Here goes:

1. Babe (1995) / Babe: Pig in the City (1998) - The gut-wrenching tale of the little pig who wanted to be a sheep-herding dog. I can feel myself tearing up already. I never saw the sequel, but all I know is that little pig Babe is going to save the day.



2. Charlotte's Web (2006) - This movie is coming out later year. I remember seeing the cartoon version of this when I was young. It's all about Wilbur, the pig who will do anything to avoid being cooked for dinner. The ubiquitous Dakota Fanning is in this movie. Someone should watch out for this little girl, since her parents seem to be working her around the clock.



3. Animal Farm (1954) - If you didn't read this book by George Orwell in school, then shame on you. I would hope that 1984 is still required reading as well, although I must admit being kind of disappointed when the year 1984 actual came around and nothing happened like in the book. There was a live-action TV version of Animal Farm in 1999. Sorry man, didn't see it. Four legs good, two legs bad!



4. Gordy (1995) - Uh, it's the story of a another talking pig. Just like Babe. 1995 was a good year for talking pigs. That's all I know. (I found this movie on imdb...now you know that I didn't work very hard to make this list).



5. The Muppet Movie (1979) - I know there's a lot more to this movie than just Miss Piggy, but she's a pig, alright? I couldn't come up with anymore movies. I think the best part of this movie is the final musical number where Kermit starts to sing, then others begin to join him; then they pan out to show every muppet in the known universe singing along. Hold on, I'm tearing up again.



Four legs good, two legs bad!

Steelers Win. Seahawks Lose.

Now that the Steelers have won Super Bowl XL and the Seahawks have ruined my incredible run of game prognosticating, I'm ready to leave football behind until next season. What about the Pro Bowl? Pah! It means nothing. The game was never the same for me ever since I saw Barry Switzer coach the NFC one year. On national television, he sat on the bench during the game. Sacrilege!

If you didn't watch the Super Bowl, maybe you were fortunate enough to catch some of the Puppy Bowl II. Now that was good television. Unfortunately, I missed the Kitty Half Time Show, but it's not about the entertainment, it's about the purity of the sport.

My vote for the game MVP had to be Sheeba, the 2-1/2 month Shibu Ibu. Not content to sit in a puddle of her own urine, Sheeba was all over the place in a absolutely dominating performance.

Super Bowl XL

It's time for my Super Bowl pick. In my long, esteemed career in predicting football games, I am a remarkable 5 out of 6. To end this season with one more correct pick would be nothing short of phenomenal.

So who to pick? Seattle or Pittsburgh? To be honest, I don't know a heck of a lot about the two teams. Both teams have experienced coaches with long careers. One has a young, strong quarterback, and the other one has a bald quarterback. One team has the MVP running back, and the other has the Bus.

Let's solicit some opinions. Hey, bird with the fish - who are you picking for the Super Bowl?



Caw! Caw! (I believe that's birdspeak for Seahawks)

Excuse me, obscure 80's hair metal band Steeler - who do you pick for the Super Bowl?



(After a tasty guitar lick) Dude - Steeler rules!

Hmm. This is going to be tough. In an ESPN.com poll, 61% of the people polled think Pittsburgh will win, and 39% polled think Seattle will win. That's good enough for me - let's go with the underdog to pull the upset!

My Pick to Win: Seattle Seahawks

Beezelbust

I like devils. I also like skulls. Show me a devil skull, I'll go nuts. Now I only like these things only in the graphical sense. I'm no devil worshipper, nor do I have any skeletons in my closet, so to speak.

Here's something that caught my eye: it's a 1:1 scale bust of The Lord of Darkness from the 1985 movie Legend. I never saw this movie, but I know it's a Ridley Scott production with a young Tom Cruise as the hero in some sort of fantasy-type world. You know - princesses, unicorns, fairies... right up Tom Cruise's alley.

Tim Curry played the Lord of Darkness, and he was made up to look like a demonic hunk of barbecue pork. Now for only a paltry $900, you can have a life-size bust of this character in all its' devilish glory. Check this bad boy out:


This thing is about 24" inches wide, 24" deep, and a whopping 36" high. I imagine it weighs about 10 - 15 pounds. While it looks really cool and menacing, where in the world are you going to put this thing? Maybe you can put it next to your Planet of the Apes bust, and eliminate any hope of female companionship again.

Shadow of the Colossus, Again

I wrote about this game a while back after I played the demo disc. I finally played through the whole game, and it's forced me to use a word not normally in my vocabulary:

This game is awesome.

The focus of the game is fairly simple: in order to bring your girlfriend back to life, you have to find and kill sixteen giant colossuses (or colossi, if you want to get technical). Each one has a weak point that you need to attack, usually at the top of its head. The challenge is to figure out how to reach the weak point.

Shadow of the Colossus offers one of the most unique gameplaying experiences ever. There have been big bosses in other games, but to climb up one while it's running or flying or swimming around is a lot of fun. The game totally sucked me in; more than once I let out a "oh sh*t" when some of the colossi revealed themselves, and I actually felt bad when I killed them.

The details in the backgrounds are amazing, the music is great. The whole atmosphere this game creates is unlike anything I've ever seen. I have to stop gushing about this game before I drool on myself. Oops, too late.

In my list of favorite video games, this game has secured its place. Totally awesome.

Fearless

I was trolling around the information superhighway, and I see that Jet Li is in a new movie called Fearless. It's a period movie where Li portrays Huo Yuanjia, a real life martial artist who gained notoriety in the early 1900's.

Jet Li in a period movie like Wong Fei Hung or Fong Sai Yuk? Right on!

The movie opened this month in Beijing, Hong Kong, and Taiwan, but there's no word if the film is coming to the US. It's questionable, because the story has kind of an anti-Western theme to it (similar to the Once Upon A Time in China series). I suspect that getting on DVD may be the best option.

In any event, the notion of seeing Jet Li kick ass again with a long pigtail just gives me a warm fuzzy.

Project Runway

There's a whole lot of reality TV out there, and I don't watch most of it - I've never watched a single episode of Survivor, the Apprentice, Wifeswap, just to name a few. I stopped following the Real World a long time ago, but I watch the Real World/Road Rules challenges. I like the Ultimate Fighter, because I like watching them fight.

That being said, Project Runway is the best reality show on TV. Period.

If you haven't seen it, it's a competition between aspiring clothes designers. Each week, they're given a fashion challenge in which they are to design and construct a garment. At the end of the show, their work is displayed in a runway show in front of a panel of experts. The designer with the weakest work is eliminated at the end. Believe me, it's good TV.

Coming from an architectural background, it's the closest a TV show has come to the architecture school experience: fretting over a design concept, working against tight deadlines, fostering a camaraderie with fellow students. At the end, you present your project (which probably isn't completely done) to your instructors. The biggest difference is that we never had Heidi Klum kissing us with a "auf wiedersehen" at the end.

This week Zulema was finally eliminated. My fiancé and I didn't like her because even though she wasn't particularly malicious, she wasn't a very likeable person, and her work generally sucked. At the beginning of this week's episode, she had the audacity to ask for a model walk-off and ended up stealing Nick's model (our favorite designer in the show). When she was told that she was "out", we cheered like our team just won the Super Bowl and the World Series in the same day.

It's nice when karma balances out and people get what they deserve. Zulema deserved to be booted out all along. Why? Because at the beginning of the season, she refused to share any of the closet space with her roommates. That was cold.

More Monkey Goodness

If can't get enough of apes, then hang on to your pants: in March, Planet of the Apes: The Ultimate DVD Collection is coming out. This 14-disc set is a limited edition of 10,000. It contains the original 1968 Planet of the Apes and the four sequels. It also has the 2001 Tim Burton remake, as well as the entire run of the live-action TV show from the 70's. If that's not enough for you, then they also threw in Return to the Planet of the Apes, the cartoon series from 1975. Sheesh! How much more can you possibly take?

But wait, there's more! The boxset also comes with a life-size bust of Caesar! Won't this look great in your living room?


Caesar's eyes will follow you around the room, and if you get too close, he will make screaming chimpanzee noises. Just kidding (I think). All this monkey love can be yours for about $180. I think I'll pass on this. I've never been a big fan of this series, although from time to time, I do like to say "take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"

Bad Milk & The Broncos

I accidentally had some bad milk with my cereal this morning. Unfortunately, I didn't notice that our milk was over five days past the due date, and I ended up feeling a little funny. Not "ha ha" funny, but "maybe I should go throw up" funny. Luckily, I ate a bologna sandwich and the feeling passed. Thank goodness for bologna.

Speaking of sour milk, did you see the Broncos get whipped by the Steelers yesterday? Hoo boy, I sure enjoyed this game. In my previous post, I basically willed the Steelers to win by wishing all the Broncos to get a jock strap itch, thereby distracting them from focusing on the game at hand. Maybe it didn't work for most of the Broncos, but Jake Plummer had to have some sort of fierce itch on his hippie long hair and beard, judging by the way he kept running around and tossing interceptions.

Seattle also did an excellent job of finishing off the Panthers. I'm happy that Seattle finally gets to go to the Super Bowl; it's nice to see a first-time team in the big show. Mike Holmgren deserves a lot of credit for turinng the team around.

I am now 5 out of 6 in my playoff picks over the last two weeks; little did I know that I had such amazing forecasting powers. Since the Super Bowl is a couple of weeks away, I'm going to take some time and consult my tea leaves to determine my next pick. Right now, I want the Seahawks to win, but the Steelers are looking mighty good after slapping around the Broncos.

NFL Playoffs Conference Championships

So the Colts were once again denied the bridal spot and doomed to their perennial bridesmaid position. If Peyton Manning & friends didn't engage in their annual choke-a-thon, I would have been a perfect 4 for 4 in my picks. Verily, Nostradamus I am not, when I am only a paltry 75%.

Carolina at Seattle:
Oh, man; I’m really pulling for Seattle. Like I said before, I like Seattle – it’s a nice place to visit. Furthermore, I really like seeing teams in the Super Bowl that have never been there before. It gives you hope that even if you completely suck, someday you can make it to the top. However, Carolina and that pesky Steve Smith are still on a roll, so this should be a good game.

My Pick to Win: Seattle Seahawks













Pittsburgh at Denver:
This is a really easy one to pick. I dislike the Denver Broncos so much, I’m going to will the Steelers to win. It doesn’t matter that Denver is the better team. I’m going to wish that all the Denver players develop some sort of groin-area rash, so that over the course of the game they will be too busy scratching themselves to focus on playing.

My Pick to Win: Pittsburgh Steelers

NFL Playoffs, Week 2

Ah, another big football weekend. Here are my picks, some partially based in reality, and some based on the fantasy world I live in.

Washington at Seattle: We like Seattle the city; it’s probably one of the few places on the west coast we could live in besides the Bay Area. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Seahawks ever since they were in the AFC West. I’m grateful that the Redskins eliminated Tampa Bay last week, but I think that this could be Seattle’s year.

My Pick to Win: Seattle Seahawks

Carolina at Chicago: To be honest, I didn’t even know the Bears were in the playoffs until a week ago. When did they get good? Didn’t the Bears suck for the longest time? I guess they got lucky being the best team in the crappy NFC North. This one could be close, but it looks like the Panthers are on a roll.

My Pick to Win: Carolina Panthers

Pittsburgh at Indianapolis: The Colts have had an unbelievable year, and I think the Peyton Manning has paid his dues. This is his best shot ever at making the Super Bowl, so it’s up to him and his team not to choke. I’ve got nothing against the Steelers, but it’s really fun to see Bill Cohwer get really pissed off so he starts screaming & spitting on the sideline, just like Sylvester the cat.

My Pick to Win: Indianapolis Colts

New England at Denver: Ugh. Two teams I despise. I’ve been an anti- Broncos fan ever since I was little, and I will never forgive pretty-boy Tom Brady and the Patriots for knocking the Raiders out of the 2001 playoffs with their “tuck rule”. Unfortunately, both teams are looking pretty good right now.

My Pick to Win: I wish that a giant gopher will come and dig up the turf at Mile High Stadium, forcing the game to be cancelled. If that doesn’t happen, then I hope the winning team gets so battered and bruised that they won’t be able to get out of bed for next week’s game. Denver Broncos by three.

Seven Swords

I am often behind the times on the latest trends, so it's nice when I'm occasionally slightly ahead on new movies most people haven't heard of yet. I'm a big fan of Tsui Hark, the man who brought us the Once Upon A Time in China series, Dragon Inn, and The Blade, just to name a few. So I was eager to see Seven Swords, his latest directorial effort which just came out last year. A new Tsui Hark martial arts movie with swords and guys flying around? Sign me up!

Well, I've seen the movie, and it has its good points and bad points. The good part is the action scenes; I've seen flashier fighting, but each of the movie's seven heroes has a different sword of varying abilities. It's pretty cool, just like watching a comic book movie. The action is pretty good, and the film also features some bad guys with some neat weapons for whaling on helpless villagers.


The bad news is that the movie is based on a Chinese novel. In my experience, Chinese novels are generally hundreds and hundreds of pages long, so it's never easy to distill this kind of story into a two and a half hour movie. Seven Swords is basically a "seven samurai"-type movie where a bunch of courageous swordsmen (and one woman) defend a village from being destroyed by a bunch of evil soldiers. Unfortunately, the plot kind of lurches around so I found myself on several occasions saying "huh? what just happened?". At least half of the seven heroes of the story aren't given a whole lot of screen time, so they don't really mean a whole lot to the story. I have a feeling that a lot of the plot and character development was left on the cutting room floor.


In the end, for me this movie was just ok - it's no Tsui Hark masterpiece. It's a shame, because you know they worked really hard to make this movie. Maybe I just need to watch the movie again, but I doubt that will help.

If you really love this movie (and I’m sure there are a lot of people who do) and you've got some money to throw around, there’s a super-deluxo DVD out that includes scale replicas of all the seven swords. Now you and six of your little friends can reenact the movie!

Be Nice To Nicole Kidman

In my last post, I mentioned that Naomi Watts was a likable Nicole Kidman. Since then, I've discussed the potential ramifications of this view with my fiancé, and I really don't want to incur the wrath of the Nicole Kidman Fan Club, wherever you are. Even worse, I don't want to unintentionally hurt the feelings of Nicole herself (just in case she surfs the net for information on herself).

Since this is my first posting of the new year, I've decided to say something nice about Nicole Kidman in order to balance out my Kidman Karma.

Where do I begin? Honestly, I haven't seen very many Nicole Kidman movies; it's nothing personal against her, it's just that I have no inclination to see anything that that's she's in. I used to be the same way about her ex-husband Tom Cruise; I still haven't seen Top Gun yet.

OK, say something nice about Nicole Kidman. Hmm.

Wait, I know: I saw this movie a long time ago, but I remember really enjoying Dead Calm. It's a pretty entertaining thriller movie where Sam Neill and Nicole Kidman are a husband and wife cruising the open seas, where they happen to rescue Billy Zane on a stranded boat. Billy Zane ends up being a psycho who killed all the people on his previous boat. He leaves Sam Neill on one boat and sails off with the other with Nicole Kidman on the other. Sam Neill then needs to catch up with the other boat and rescue his wife from crazy Billy Zane. I could be wrong, but I think this was the movie that made Nicole Kidman famous.

Another movie I liked that had Nicole Kidman was Flirting, which was about a forbidden romance between two teenagers in an Australian boys & girls school. A young Thandie Newton plays the female lead and the male lead was played by Noah Taylor, who really looked like a young Nick Cave in this movie. This movie was actually the sequel to another good movie called The Year My Voice Broke.

Nicole Kidman was probably an unkown actress at the time, and she only has a supporting role in the movie. She plays a cold, bitchy classmate of Thandie Newton. Kind of like how she probably is in real life.

Damnit! I did it again! Sorry, Nicole.